


iLads

by Angelci5



Category: The Professionals
Genre: Christmas, Epistolary, Humour, M/M, New Year's Eve, Older Lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-20
Updated: 2011-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:59:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelci5/pseuds/Angelci5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little modern-day correspondence between Bodie and Doyle, on New Year's Eve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	iLads

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009.

From: wapb@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 10.41  
To: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Subject: Tonight

Ray don’t forget to get the cream for tonight

Bodie

Sent from my iPhone  
__________________________________________________________________________

From: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 11.18  
To: wapb@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

I wondered how long it would take before I got an email, surprised you held out this long actually.

You do realise your punctuation is seriously lacking, don’t you? (I could mention a few other areas you’re lacking in, but it’s the season of goodwill and all that, so I won’t. Count yourself lucky.)

Course I’m not going to forget the cream, wouldn’t dare given the fuss you’re making about tonight. Not to mention the fact you keep reminding me every five minutes with emails, texts and post-it notes stuck all over the house.

It’s only a couple of the lads and their other halves coming round, you know, not the bloody Queen, no need to get so worked up about it.

Then again, I suppose you cooking dinner for twelve is a bit of special occasion. I might have to take a photo of you in action, just for future reference, so I know it really happened and wasn’t a figment of my imagination.

Anyway, what you doing bugging me when you should be in that meeting?

__________________________________________________________________________

From: wapb@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 12.21  
To: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

The meeting was delayed because the pm was running late. Only just finished.

I don’t think one text, one post it and one email is over the top. Not with your memory.

Bloody cheek saying I’m licking in certain areas. Never had any complaints before. And I can think of more interesting things for you to photograph rather than me cockring.

Cars just arrived so on my way home now.

Bodie

Sent from my iPhone

__________________________________________________________________________

From: wapb@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 12.22  
To: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

That should’ve been LACKING and COOKING.

Bloosy predictive text. I’ve turned it off now.

Bodie

Sent from my iPhone

__________________________________________________________________________

From: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 12.46  
To: wapb@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

I think I preferred “licking” and “cockring”, though it does beg the question why your predictive text thought it most likely you wanted to use those particular words. Call me suspicious, mate, but I somehow doubt “cockring” was in the phone’s factory settings.

And for God’s sake don’t email the PM (or anyone else for that matter) from that thing by mistake, make sure you use your work one.

Before I forget, Adam just rang; he’s coming over tomorrow lunchtime and bringing his new girlfriend. Yeah, another one. This one’s blonde and posh apparently. He’s his father’s son, all right.

Anyway, while you were sweet-talking the PM (You were, weren’t you? Sweet-talking him, I mean? I don’t want to give him another excuse to cut our budget), I’ve been to Waitrose and got your ~~bloody~~ bloosy cream. Got you single, double and whipping, because despite your constant reminders, I don’t think you bothered to mention what kind you actually needed.

You owe me big time for that, mate, it was hell in there. We should make it part of the training schedule, that would sort the men from the boys. And I had to queue for 20 minutes, God knows what people thought of me standing there in leathers with a basket full of cream.

Good idea about the saucy photos, we haven’t done any of those for ages. I’m sure the risk of someone finding explicit pictures of the directors of CI5 and sticking them all over the internet is minimal. We could put some of that leftover cream to good use at the same time.

Right, see you in about an hour then.

__________________________________________________________________________

From: wapb@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 13.22  
To: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

No need to get jealous ray, remember those texts I sent you when you were in Washington? That’s why it predicted “licking” and “cockring” not because I’ve been doing anything I shouldn’t. Which reminds me, I wonder if I can get porn on this thing.

Course he’s his father’s son - been blessed with good looks and intelligence, hasn’t he? Don’t see how it’s my fault he likes posh blondes though, I might have been out with a few like that in my younger days, but I think it’s safe to say my preference now is definitely dark and common.

And yes, of course I sweet-talked the PM… If you call telling him a few home truths sweet-talking, that is. I think I managed to convince him that it’s increasingly difficult for us to operate with out-of-date equipment from a building held together with gaffer tape. You never know, we might even get a few quid extra next year.

Thanks for getting the cream. I’m not sure whether to use double or whipping, perhaps I’ll ask on Twitter. I like your idea for using the surplus.

Bodie

P.S. See, I used punctuation. Takes bloody ages doing it though.

Sent from my iPhone

__________________________________________________________________________

From: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 13.39  
To: wapb@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

Oh God, don’t remind me about those texts. While I was stuck in a conference you’d be at home feeling horny and tormenting me with how you were trying out a new cockring, or what you were planning to do to me when I got back. Not ideal when you’ve got the director of the FBI sitting next to you and the place is swarming with Secret Service agents. Everyone must’ve thought I was a right unsociable git, always refusing the drinks afterwards and rushing back to my room... you got me so worked up though.

Still do, just so you know, nothing lacking in _that_ area.

And _me_ get jealous? Who insisted we convert the basement into a gym, just so I didn’t have go to that health club anymore, eh?

I thought we’d agreed to go for the charm offensive with the PM? If I’d known you were going to have a go at him, I’d have come along and joined in the fun. Tell you what, though, if he cuts our spending again, we might have to raid one of those off-shore accounts of yours to tide us over… Either that or tell him to stick his poxy budget and we’ll take early retirement.

Oi, you calling me common? I meant the way Adam gets through more girlfriends than hot dinners is just the same as you at his age, not that you go for blonde, posh types. Pillock.

Twitter? Jesus. I might’ve known you’d be on that too, you’re just a big bloody kid. Best give me the link so I can keep an eye on what you’re getting up to. I don’t know where you find the time for all this mucking about.... Yeah, yeah, I know, these places can be “a valuable source of intel”, but that’s why we hire the techies, mate, it’s not an excuse for you to play at being _“Phillip Andrews, Job: Pilot, Relationship Status: Married”_.

Much better with the punctuation, but it’s still a bit hit and miss.

Don’t know why I’m bothering to send this when you’re going to be here any minute.

__________________________________________________________________________

From: wapb@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 14.01  
To: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

Don’t remember you complaining about those texts at the time. Used to wake up every morning to find several graphic replies telling me how you’d entertained yourself in your room. Set me up for the day, those did.

Having the gym built just made economic sense, seeing how much the health club charged. The fact that the members there took flirting to a whole new level had nothing to do with it.

We’ll take early retirement. Unless you want to flog one of your properties to keep us going. I quite fancy being a gentleman of leisure, think we’ve done our bit.

Can’t win, can I, you wouldn’t like it if I called you posh. And anyway, I was a lost and lonely soul all those years ago, that’s why there were so many girls… had to kiss a few frogs before I found my prince, didn’t I? Don’t think that’s Adam’s excuse, though, from what he’s told me.

And yes I am on Twitter, as Dave Bentley if you must know. I see you’ve been keeping tabs on me on Facebook.... So what, it’s all true. Apart from the name. And the job.

Were you an English teacher in a past life or something?

Stuck in traffic.

Sent from my iPhone

__________________________________________________________________________

From: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 14.15  
To: wapb@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

Tell you what, there might be a complaint if you don’t get home soon… I’m starting to feel a bit hot and bothered sat here, what with you reminding me about those texts (I’ve still got them I think, might have another read of them). And then there was the welcome I got when I arrived back home. Quite a picture you made and the best remedy for jet lag I’ve ever seen.

You had your fair share of fans at that health club too, as I recall… Just goes to show there’s no accounting for taste. And I should know.

You, a lost and lonely soul? Don’t make me laugh! Just a randy, young sod you were. And yeah, all right, I can hear you shouting “Pot, Kettle” from here.

Dave Bentley? And what does he do? No, don’t tell me, I’ll find out soon enough. And, yeah, I suppose your Facebook info is accurate enough… where it matters, at least.

Hurry up.

__________________________________________________________________________

From: wapb@googlemail.com  
Date: 31 December 2007 14.24  
To: rdoyle@googlemail.com  
Subject: Re: Tonight

Feeling all hot and bothered, eh? Hold that thought, sexy, I’m just turning into the drive…

Sent from my iPhone

__________________________________________________________________________


End file.
